In Bill Gates' book (Business @ The Speed of Thought), he lays out 11 rules that students do not learn in high school or college. He argues that our feel good, politically correct teachings have created a generation of kids with no concept of reality who are set up for failure in the real world.
RULE 1 - Life is not fair; get used to it.
RULE 2 - The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
RULE 3 - You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both.
RULE 4 - If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.
RULE 5 - Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity.
RULE 6 - If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
RULE 7 - Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try "delousing" the closet in your own room.
RULE 8 - Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
RULE 9 - Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.
RULE 10 - Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
RULE 11 - Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
* I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
* Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
* Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
* Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me- good job!
* I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
* I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
* You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
* Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
* Didn't I see you get your tush kicked on COPS?
* Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's night stand.
* Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
* I pay your salary.
* So uh, you on the take or what?
* Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer gave me a warning!
* Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
* I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
* What do you mean have I been drinking? You're the trained specialist.
* Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
* Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
* Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
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TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave? STUDENT: Yes, Sir. TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't? STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I won't hold you to yours. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HAROLD: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? TEACHER: Of course not. HAROLD: Good, because I didn't do my homework. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper. JOHN: I hope you didn't either. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GARY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test. TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MOTHER: Why did you get such a low mark on that test? JUNIOR: Because of absence. MOTHER: You mean you were absent on the day of the test? JUNIOR: No, but the kid who sits next to me was. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark? FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write? SYLVIA: Your name on this report card. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son. FATHER: What's that? TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get? SASHA: A new bike. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? VINCENT: One dollar. TEACHER(sadly): You don't know your arithmetic. VINCENT(even sadder): You don't know my father. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BOY: Isn't the principal a dummy! GIRL: Say, do you know who I am? BOY: No. GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter. BOY: And do you know who I am? GIRL: No. BOY: Thank goodness.
You know that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other and they finally got married and had a little one---a real SWEET POTATO whom they called "YAM". They wanted the best for little Yam, telling her all about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half baked because she could get Mashed, get a bad name like Hot Potato, and then end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
She said not to worry-no Mr. McSpud would get her in the sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her! But she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of food and exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins. Mr. and Mrs. Potato even told her about going off to Europe and to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland and even the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. They also said she should watch out for the Indians when going out west because she could get Scalloped.
She told them she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Blue Belles or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks you see around town that say Frito Lay.
Mr. & Mrs. Potato wanted the best for Yam, so they sent her to "Idaho P.U"-that's Potato University - where the Big Potatoes come from and when she graduated, she'd really be in the Chips. But one day she came home and said she was going to marry Walter Cronkite.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset and said she couldn't marry him because he's just a...