Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a
general practice (GP) physician, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeonand a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead.
The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated.
"I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion."
And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.
Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies.
"I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.
Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity.
"Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.
Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.
"Go see if that was a duck, will you?"
COMPUTER ONE LINERS:
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER Did anyone see my lost carrier? Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. Double your drive space - delete Windows! Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector. C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking? My computer isn't that nervous...it's just a bit ANSI. Honey, I Formatted the Kid! Spelling checkers at maximum! Fire! Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk? Never violate the Prime Directory! C:\ Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once... Maniac: An early computer built by nuts... Stack Error: Lost on a cluttered desk... Stack Overflow: Too many pancakes... Capt'n! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse! C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files. ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS. How do I set my laser printer on stun? 'Calm down -- it's only ones and zeros.' '.... now touch these wires to your tongue!' According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist. It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit! RAM DISK is not an installation procedure! Computers are only human. This time it will surely run. I just found the last bug. The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. -Robert R. Coveyou Oak Ridge National Laboratory It's redundant! It's redundant! -R. E. Dundant Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature. -T. John Wendel The programmer's nat'l anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH' - Weinberg, p. 152 If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. -Dykstra "#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb)) - Shakespeare." "Real programmers use: COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE" Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence... To iterate is human; to recurse, divine. If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0 Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed... Microwave: Signal from a friendly micro... Nostalgia: The good old days multiplied by a bad memory... Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim. AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons. Todays assembler command : EXOP Execute Operator Justify my text? I'm sorry but it has no excuse. Programming is an art form that fights back. Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER My mail reader can beat up your mail reader. Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. To define recursion, we must first define recursion. Good programming is 99% sweat and 1% coffee.
Hurricane Clinton - Moves right, then left again
Hurricane Powell - Heads directly for the White House
Hurricane Bush - Completely misses Middle America
Hurricane Perot - Small but annoying
Hurricane Dole - Eliminates roads, bridges and schools; spares only Kansas
Hurricane Madonna - Leaves clothes strewn everywhere
Hurricane Oprah - Gets smaller, then bigger again
Hurricane Wallace - Hard-hitting but lasts only 60 minutes
Hurricane Heidi - Blows the lid off Hollywood studios
Hurricane Jordan - Stops abruptly at its peak
Hurricane Dykstra - Devastates Atlanta and Toronto
Hurricane Foreman - Devours everything in sight
Hurricane Steinbrenner - Threatens to move towards New Jersey
Hurricane Trump - Uproots giant maples
Hurricane Buttafuoco - Hits Long Island high schools
Hurricane Tailhook - Leaves nothing untouched
Finally, after years of sickness, he stops and loses a lot of weight and looks great. His friends ask him how he did it. He says, ..."I quit cold turkey." (By Ed Hexler)