How smart are you really? Take the Idiot Test and find out!
THE IDIOT TEST:Scoring guide: 20 Correct - Genius 17 Correct - Above Normal 15 Correct - Normal 8 Correct - Nincompoop 6 Correct - Moron 3 Correct - Idiot ****************** Questions **************** 1. Do they have a 4th of July in England? 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? 3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28? 4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar's sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come? 5. Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada? 6. How many outs are there in an inning? 7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Why? 8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number of games. There are no ties. Explain this. 9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer? 10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern exposure. A big bear walks by, what color is the bear? Why? 11. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have? 12. I have two US coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the coins? 13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where there was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which one would you light first? 14. How far can a dog run into the woods? 15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How long would the pills last? 16. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left? 17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark? 18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall. What does he weigh? 19. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen? 20. What was the President's name in 1950? ****************** Answers **************** 1. Yes 2. One 3. All of them (12) 4. The beggar is her sister. 5. He can't be buried if he isn't dead. 6. 6 7. No - because he is dead. 8. They aren't playing each other. 9. 70 10. White. The house is at the North Pole so it is a polar bear. 11. 2 12. 50 cent piece and a nickel. (The other one is a nickel) 13. The match. 14. Half way. Then he is running out of the woods. 15. 1 Hour 16. 9 17. None - Noah took them on the ark. 18. Meat 19. 12 20. Same as it is now.
One day a man was out for a walk when he happened upon a small foot bridge. Stopping in the middle, he leaned over the rail to gaze down into the water. Unfortunately, the man leaned over too far and his wallet slipped from his pocket. He stood on the bridge watching, helplessly, as it vanished beneath the surface. He was about to leave, convinced there was no hope of ever seeing his wallet again, when the water began to stir. He stood, mesmorized, as his wallet began to slowly rise. It appeared to be swaying, back and forth, as it rose. Finaly, it broke the surface of the water. But, to the man's astonisment, the wallet continued to rise up into the air. Just when he thought he must surely be loosing his mind, the reason for the wallet's strange reappearance became visable. Two fish were, playfully, tossing the wallet back and forth in, what appeared to be, a bizar game of catch! Now, it just so happened that the man had spent a great deal of time studying fish so he was able to identify them as belonging to the carp family. "Truly this is the most amazing thing I have ever seen!" cried the man, for it was the first time in his life he'd ever seen: CARP TO CARP WALLETTING
The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, Did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um... No." "Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was put off. "Third, that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "Leaving her penniless with three children?" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "...And I don't give any money to them, so why should I give any to you?!"
Not to long ago a blonde woman had a near death experience that has changed her forever. She was horseback riding, and everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Her foot became caught in the stirrup. She fell head first to the ground and her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just when things were looking their worst, as she was giving up hope and about to lose consciousness, there was a miracle: The Walmart manager came and unplugged it.
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim! ..." Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!" Everyone is startled and looks around as the brunette escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim! ..." Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!" Once again, everyone is startled and looks around, while the redhead silently slips away. By now the blonde has it all figured out, and the guard brings her forward. The executioner asks if she has any last requests, she says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim! ..." and the blonde yells, "FIRE!"
You Can't Fool Mom:John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely John's housekeeper was. Over the courseof the evening, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional." About a week later, the housekeeper came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, your Son John Several days later, John received a letter back from his mother: Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom
You Know You're In Arizona When:You've signed so many petitions to recall governors you can't remember the name of the incumbent You notice your car overheating before you drive it You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're laughing funny You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour... and it'll be over 100 degrees You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves You discover, in July, that it only takes two fingers to drive your car You know you can make sun tea instantly You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace The best parking place is determined by shade -- not distance You realize that "Valley Fever" isn't a disco dance Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one You can pronounce the words: "Saguaro", "Tempe", "San Xavier", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim" and "Cholla" It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both people and cars You actually burn your hand opening the car door Sunscreen is sold year round, kept right at the checkout counter Sunscreen w/a formula less than 50 spf is a joke You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mailbox Some fool can market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them Worse -- some fools actually try to jog You know that hot air balloons can't rise, because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car You can understand the reason for a town named "Why"